Asexuality Unveiled: A Journey from Self-Loathing to Empowering a Global Community

Sandra Bellamy

Sandra Bellamy is The Asexual Entrepreneur. She is the best-selling author of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book, under her own book publishing imprint of Quirky Books. She helps asexuals with love, life, confidence, dating and relationships, predominately through her Asexualise My Asexual Life YouTube channel chat show and vlog, which has had over half a million views. In her own words, “Asexuality is a sexual orientation based on a lack of sexual attraction, and as a romantic asexual, I don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse but I do get attracted to guys romantically and aesthetically.”

What were your initial years of growing up like? Tell us about your life before starting your corporate journey/venture/initiative.

Growing up I thought I was heterosexual for years. I was a shy, lonely, introverted girl, who was bullied in school. I lacked friends, didn’t like myself or my life, I had social anxiety, and I was a suicidal depressed mess with no purpose. 2012, was the start of my entrepreneurial journey. I saw Tony Robbins live on stage at a business seminar. He taught us to change our state through music and movement and it was in that moment that I had an awakening to be my younger teenager self that I was born to be and to stop living by society’s rules and start living on my own. So, from then on, I would live as my younger teenager self, not my birth certificate age and I went on to reprogram my mind to be happy being single and to have the mindset of a 21-year-old using NLP. It was entrepreneurship that changed my life from self-loathing to self-loving. In 2014, I went to see a counsellor because I wanted a relationship without sex, just romance and kissing, and she said the worst thing, “You’ll have to have sex in order to keep a good guy”, I was horrified and went home and Googled – “I love kissing and not sex” and it came up with asexuality and asexuality.org and I discovered there were thousands of people around the globe who felt like me, who wanted a romantic relationship with kissing and cuddling, but without sex.

Tell us something about your initiative/business. What is it about and how is it helpful for people?

My mission is to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation is its own right, throughout the globe, so no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again and to do this I need to get through to the largest sexuality population – heterosexuals, and thought-leaders which currently make the greatest impact in the world. My goal is to empower asexuals to feel comfortable and confident with their asexuality and to educate others about this sexual orientation, so we can spread knowledge, foster understanding, build acceptance, help prevent sexual abuse situations and redefine love and intimacy to include without sex as the norm for some people. Which is what I fulfil through my writing, various social media, websites, speaking, and guest appearances. I’m also growing a book publishing business, specialising in non-fiction books that change lives from pain to gain, particularly about asexuality.

While the global pandemic of COVID-19 is associated primarily with adversities, it has also brought about a true boom in startups, with successful entrepreneurship in many countries. The pandemic has impacted all of us in one way or another. Would you like to share your experience on a personal and professional level?

I was in a retail management position when the pandemic occurred and I was happy in lockdown to be able to spend more time doing what I love; writing, live streaming and building my brand – so it’s always a good idea to start building your brand and business while still doing a regular employed job. I purposefully don’t watch the news and spend a lot of time indoors on these things anyway, so I was mentally prepared for lock down more than many others.

What has been the response of the users/consumers towards your venture?

I get comments and private messages thanking me for the work I do to help asexuals, some tell me how helpful my videos are, how they discovered their identity thanks to me, and how they came out because of me. I’ve had asexuals tell me that Asexual Perspectives book helped them to know there are okay and not broken, when some felt suicidal before. I’ve been featured on the Jeremy Vine show, on BBC Radio, in the Mirror, Daily Star, on Femedic website and a variety of podcasts – including Lifeology radio which has over 3 million listeners per episode. I’ve Co-Authored bLU Talks – Business, Life and the Universe, Vol 11 book, featuring James Redfield – Bestselling Author of The Celestine Prophecy and Ken Honda – Mindvalley, which is a #1 International Bestseller.

How has your life changed because of your initiative/venture?

In 2011, I was so scared to go on social media because I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and now I run multiple Facebook pages, 6 Facebook groups, I share my life with the world on YouTube, I’m all over social media and I have been a Top Social Marketing Voice on LinkedIn. In January 2015, I went from having social anxiety for years, feeling so lonely, left out and uncomfortable in groups, that I could only meet up with people on a one-to-one basis, to organising and hosting asexual meetups. In October 2015, I started my Asexualise My Asexual Life channel and even though I’m an asexual who has had sex in the past, prior to starting my channel I was so shy to talk about sex, that I would only talk about it in the past with ex-boyfriends. But I knew if I wanted to help asexuals, I would need to be able to talk about my past sex life and now I can talk about sex and masturbation like I’m drinking water. In 2017, I published my bestselling Asexual Perspectives book and became a registered publisher in the UK of Quirky Books. I was a speaker at the UK asexuality conference in 2018 and I launched Asexualise Academy.

Do you have anyone who is the biggest support system in your life? Please let us know.

Yes, my best friend. Who is not only supportive of the work I do, but they help me with cleaning and shopping, especially when I get sick, because I have fibromyalgia, which is a chronic pain and autoimmune condition.

Would you like to share with our young budding women entrepreneurs the change you would like to see in the world if given an opportunity? OR Share a motivational message for the audience/women who are reading this.

I would like the world to accept asexuality and that there are some people who genuinely don’t like, want, or need sex. So we can help prevent sexual abuse situations and make dating and relationships a better experience for all.

Here’s another one:

Always remember, that both personally and professionally, you can achieve great things, be determined, never give up, and always know that your current circumstances don’t dictate your future.